Even though 2017 looks like it could potentially be the last year for humanity, the upcoming film season looks amazing. Here are the must see movies that will hopefully keep the earth spinning on its axis.

John Wick: Chapter 2

How do you follow up the BEST PUPPY REVENGE movie ever? Easy, you send Keanu Reeves off to train like a maniac for months and then let him loose with Chad Stahelski. We can’t wait.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

It would seem that the first Guardians took everyone by surprise – everyone who saw it as well as everyone involved. But, $700M+ later and I’m also sure that everyone is pretty jacked for GOTG Vol. 2 to hit the theatres. See you in line!

And by “see you in line”, I mean, “see you as I stroll in at the last second and plunk myself down in my preassigned seat”. I live in the future, too.

The Great Wall

Everyone hates is trolling the crap out of Matt Damon for participating in this movie. I dunno, it looks like it’s going to be a ton of fun and I’m willing to look the other way regarding his cultural appropriation and the whole inference to POC needing white people to save them. Gah, I’m going to hell.

Logan

OMFG I love Logan and I already feel an unhealthy amount of empathy for him in this alternative story line. I can’t wait to watch him shake off his seemingly waning confidence and rip the shit out of everyone in his path and stroll off into the sunset with his adopted daughter (read: female clone of himself) and Prof X. Literally a perfect family.

Kong: Skull Island

I actually don’t want to know too much about this film going in. Like, every other version of Kong has involved a relatively easy to tranq/transport giant ape. This version is CLEARLY too big to tranq, let alone get in a boat. It could basically pull the Empire State Building right over, so hopefully they don’t attempt that scene. The cast looks pretty stellar though, so expectations are high.

The Fate of the Furious

I absolutely do not understand these movies but this trailer looks insane. They get chased by a submarine. A submarine!

Alien: Covenant

Prometheus was a great film, and you know it. Sure, it didn’t really tie the whole Alien franchise together the way everyone wanted, but it looks like Alien: Covenant will do just that. This trailer is terrifying. Many stylistic references to the original movies with the added slickness that Fassbender’s ‘David’ and space ships that look like Tom Ford designed them brings.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Okay, so the only reason I want to see this is to find out why everyone looks like they are underwater when they aren’t.

Wonder Woman

Do you ever think – “hey, there are just too many superhero movies”? Yes, you do. And you are correct. On paper, this character shouldn’t work. It’s ridiculous. But here we are. Going to a Wonder Woman movie. In real life. In the future. You’re 32 years old and you’re seriously considering going to a Wonder Woman movie. Look, just quit fighting it.

Spider-Man: Homecoming

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. I mean, c’mon, he’s Tony Stark’s little buddy, he buys him all sorts of cool stuff, and this is going to be the greatest superhero movie of all time. Called it here first.

War for the Planet of the Apes

The first in this series of reboots, Rise of the Planet of the Apes was just excellent. Andy Serkis’ performance as Caesar earned levels of empathy normally reserved for the passing of the family pet. Which made James Franco look like a huge dick for leaving him locked up in that facility without putting up too much of a fight – classic Franco. Anyhow, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes was meh.  War for the Planet of the Apes had better make us all feel again or they need to end this.

Justice League

Batman has grey hair. I mean, you can predict LITERALLY every other part of this movie, but Batman has grey hair and I bet you didn’t see that coming.

LOL, no. No rom-com’s. Okay, so we are still searching for even one you need to see this year – we will get back to you. In fact, something horrible was announced that has us pretty discouraged.