These are the best cereals out there, and I won’t hear an argument against it.

Whether you’re eating them for breakfast, lunch, dinner, fourthmeal, fifthmeal, or anywhere in between — cereal kicks ass. There are hundreds of cereals out there, making it one of the hardest foods to become an expert in.

Well, listen here. I’ve had literally several cereals, so I’m ready to present my top ten. This list blends the utilitarian with the fun-sized bites, and should bring together readers of all ages. Also please note that I’m a Canadian and can’t include anything purchased in Trumpland / cereal utopia.

Let’s begin.

10. Vector

I only included Vector so that I can trash it. Protein cereal is not a thing, stop making protein cereal a thing. Also these YouTube ads for Vector bars make me so angry, because the wrapper noise is so loud. Go away, Vector.

9. Life

The vanilla ice cream of breakfast cereal. You can dress up Life with anything you want: fruit, nuts, other fruit. It’s just a beautiful canvas for creation. These little corn bites are awesome on their own too, and they hold up to milk.

8. Corn Pops

Would’ve ranked Pops higher — gotta have ’em, am I right folks — but they do not hold up to milk. If you leave your breakfast bowl to check tweets for two minutes, too bad kid your Corn Pops are sad flavourless milk duds. Eat fast and you can enjoy them.

7. Shredded Wheat

As a grown-up, I would be remiss if this list didn’t cover work day cereals. You can’t stay full at a desk job with maple flakes and slivered almonds, so that’s where Shredded Wheat comes in. In a form factor invented by NASA, these little cubes wrap approximately two miles of wheat shreds and it takes about 3/4 of a cup to be full for eight hours. There’s no sodium, they take longer than dry turkey to swallow, but they fill you up like nothing else. God bless carbohydrates and God bless Post cereal for these wheat cubes.

6. Apple Jacks

Apple is a good flavour and these are a good cereal. I don’t know what else I have to say here. Significantly better than Apple Cinnamon Cheerios, amirite?

5. Honey Bunches of Oats

God bless the Honey Bunches of Oats lady, the best humanoid cereal spokesperson on the planet. She made me believe in the legit-ness of this cereal, and there’s nothing better in the breakfast game than those honey bunches. This would be my #1 if it wasn’t for everything else going on in the bowl. Just quit while you’re ahead and leave it at those crunchy bunches.

4. Froot Loops

Another classic, and one that deserves a spot in the top five. There’s no real fruit going on here (they called them Froot Loops, guys), and it all tastes a little like Sprite, but it’s delicious. If you ever bought those little camp 10-packs of cereal, you know that the Froot Loops always went first.

3. Maple Nut Oatmeal Crisp

I don’t care what you think. This cereal might sell itself as a healthy old man option, but it’s got more sugar than oatmeal, and more flavour then most cereals. The nice little slivered almonds hold up to milk (and provide a healthy dietary fat!) while the maple flakes complement beautifully. I’m getting chills just thinking about it.

2. Frosted Flakes

I have no idea why a muscular tiger endorses this cereal, but I’m glad he does. Tony has made Frosted Flakes one of the most ubiquitous breakfast cereals in the world. I was recently in Europe and they have an identical cereal called Frosties. Why did they change it? I have no idea. It is obvious that all nations love the deliciously sweet flakes, where one taste ruins Corn Flakes for the rest of your life. Come on Corn Flakes, just give in to sugar and give up your shelf space. Frosties are king.

1. Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Uh, duh. It has taste that appeals to two of your senses. You can see the cinnamon sugar, and then taste it — thus earning the most true slogan in the food industry. It has a sensational crisp that holds up to milk, it’s sweet without being sickening, and it doesn’t have stupid marshmallows. It’s incredible.

Categories: FOOD